What does it mean to feel successful?
It's a feeling I haven't I awarded myself as much as I've deserved.

My experience in Cambodia has been unexpected and difficult. Not because of cultural challenges, but because of more bureaucratic and personal ones. The project didn't go according to plan. I'm quite certain I haven't saved or directly improved anyone's life using my education, I'm not as immersed in the culture as I thought I would be, and haven't found whatever it was I was looking for.
I came here to do something that wasn't about me for once. But I also came here expecting that to happen.
See the problem?
I wanted, no, NEEDED to feel like I made a difference. Isn't that what all bright-eyed, bushy tailed volunteers are looking for? I needed it so much in fact, that I haven't allowed myself to feel successful about the small achievements. It seemed selfish to enjoy or take pride in myself when I, after so many benevolent friends and family members donated to me, didn't do what was expected of me, even though the job wasn't there to do in the first place.
So I felt selfish about the need to feel unselfish. You can't get more first world than that.
What I realize is that I was so focused on what I NEEDED to do, I lost sight of what I was actually experiencing and learning.

Jesus.
Where did all of this Catholic guilt come from?

It is my last 2.5 weeks in Cambodia. The things I've seen, done, experienced, I would never give back. Regrets? Sure. It might be that the difference I am going to make will happen after I've left. It might be that the difference I am going to make, as much as I tried to avoid it, will be with myself. And it just might be that large part of feeling like you've made a difference is allowing yourself to.

And so, dear reader, after prefacing you with this introspective, expect a shameless photo dumps and films over the next few weeks as I wrap things up here. I'm currently trying to figure out how to rig my iTouch like GoPro to get some PP street footy.
I'm not sure if I'm proud of what I've done here, but what I've learned and the perspective gained is irreplaceable. If that's success, I'll take it.